ffff

I need to write again tonight. I need to give up my piece of advice. But it is not so much as good advice, as a command. A command to live by. Not something you should concider starting to do, but something you should have always been doing, as habitual as closing your eyes before you sleep. You need to do things that you don't like to do. And you need to do them extravagantly. You need to go for everything. Feel everything. Take the chance. Yes, I have something specific in mind, a hook up that i ignored basically and now looking back, i wish i had spent more time with him, maybe got his number, maybe be with him right now. But instead I just ran away. I am such ass, i am such an idiot. i am so dumb. Like good people come in your life sometimes. And you let them go. Just. i dont know right now. I feel like i can look proactively at the world today. And I have noticed that some people back at home, i have no idea why i'm friends with them. and others, i have no idea why i am not. And I think, what if i wasn't so awkward, what if I just approached people, decided to be their friend (or more than friends) and went after what I wanted while it was in my grasp. I'm not going to sit here today and reach back into the past, there is only nonsense in that. I am here to learn and grow and leave the past behind. But, from this point forward, I have to just go out on a limb with everybody. I don't know. I don't know if this makes sense. I'm just really dissapointed in what happened. And I don't know why I was so dumb and didn't go after what I now want to badly, even if it wasn't what I knew I wanted at the time.