The thing that ticks me off

People are always making up excuses. I want to be tan but i don't have the patience I want to travel the world but i don't have the money I want to make friends but I'm too shy If you have ever said any of those things, or anything parecido to those things. You are either lieing to yourself, or lieing to the person you are talking too. And that is unacceptable. They said "obstacles are the things you see when you take your eye off the goal" Because that is true. If you are so set on reaching a goal, you don't even conciser the obstacles. And usually, you succeed. What really makes me mad when people say these things, is that they believe them to be true. They believe that they are just stuck not making friends because they are too shy. That is so completely and totally wrong. The truth is, they would rather be shy than have friends. they would rather be in their own personal bubble, than have friends. If what they honestly and truly want, is to have more friends, they would go out there and work and make friends. Being shy would not stop them from reaching their goal. However, the truth is, what they want is for people to make them their friend. There is a difference. They do not want to make friends. They want other people to make them their friend. This requires no energy, no pressure, and no risk of failure. But that is the stupidest idea one could have. If you want something. You do it. If you want to lose weight. you work out. If you don't. you eat. You have two choices. You want one more than the other. So if you sit around complaining that you would looooove to be skinny. Stop eating so much. Because the way you act and the way you speak are so hypocritical.

The purpose of life

The purpose of life. The purpose of life is to meet people. To spend time with people. Everyone's purpose in life is to reach out, and connect with each other, and connect other, in all ways possible. God didn't create a big world for us to sit in our own little corner, He created a big world, for us to not be limited by little corners, for us to go out and meet everybody and do everything. If you think that the purpose of life is to be happy, then go meet people and be happy with them, enjoy things. If you think the purpose of life is to discover the world through science and technology, then go talk to people, and formulate hypothises and share ideas. If you think the purpose of the world is to convert people to your religion, then go out, meet the people and learn how to relate to them. If you believe that, in death, there is nothing, no purpose, then go out and meet the world, and fill up your life. I honestly believe that meeting new people, and spending time with old people, is the purpose of life. We go around searching for answers, looking in a textbook, in philosphy, or in religion. But that idoiocracy. Why are we, as people, going around trying to uncover secrets, when the world is just handing us the answers in plain sight. It is handing us a handful of new babys everyday. *Which this also leads to a point on how wrong abortion is and how sick it is. Which does not need to be discussed here or now, as it is another topic*

You need to realize that you are just a person. you pass through. in and out of peoples lives. and they forget you. if they ever even cared about you. if you ever even met something. even then, they forget you. and you will become a nothing. you don't last. you never will. You are passing.

You need to realize that you are just a person. you pass through. in and out of peoples lives. and they forget you. if they ever even cared about you. if you ever even met something. even then, they forget you. and you will become a nothing. you don't last. you never will. You are passing.

Life has fucked me over so many times I may as well not say I'm a virgin anymore. I can do whatever I want. I could tell everyone my name was carmen. I could wear short skirts, low cut shirts, and be on every guys mind. I could say I'm Rachel, go live on Wall Street protesting and wearing long skirts with flowers in my hair. Because life is so damn short. And it fucks us over so much. So why be anything but reckless. Yeah, smoking and drinking and drugs damage your body, but when you have so little time. damage your body all you want. In the end, well all meet the same demise. Make somebody up. And become them. And don't give a fuck. Because nobody else gives a fuck about you.

Si pensamientos o lenguaje empieza primero

Today, the world back home was sleeping peacefully, just as they do every other Monday night at 2am. However, in Catalunya, it was 9 am on a Tuesday morning, and I was sitting in class. I take eleven extra hours of Spanish classes a week in my institute. Because of this, I am generally accustomed to hearing the same lessons over and over again. However, what I heard that Tuesday morning, gave me an amount of insight that some people will never have. The class had been discussing a collective book of poems. The teacher began discussing how the poets wrote about their lives, how they could use language to show their life story and who they had become. She continued the discussion by begging the question; did language or thought come first? At first, I concluded that thought began first. I like to think that I was born thinking and analyzing the world around me. However, she further questioned, “If thought happens first, what do you think in? Numbers? Colors? You were not born knowing any language.” I assume that maybe one could think with emotions, but I do not remember a time in which I did not know language. For this reason, I can not say with certainty which came first. Maybe I will never uncover which came first. However, that debate seemed infinitely less important in comparison to what she said next. She said, “Language had to have come first. It is how we learn and grow; It is how we learn who we are. The more skilled and knowledgeable one becomes in his or her language, the more insightful and matured one grows. This is a process that begins in one’s childhood.” I have probably heard a lecture similar to this before. Yet, living in a foreign country and listening to a lecture in Spanish, it really hit home this time around. I thought of the millions of exchange students around the world that come home with newly found passions, discovered careers, and developed maturity. I thought of the large new vocabulary of Spanish and Catalan words that I have to explain to my friends back home “simply can not be translated.” I thought of the quote, “To know another language is to own another soul.” In conclusion, I believe that this has to be one of the keys, not only in the life of an exchange student, but in the world. The more educated we become, not only in our language, but in those of other countries as well, the better we will understand who we are and how to express our thoughts. Anyone looking for his or herself will only be able to do so with the help of some form of language. Whether it was language or thoughts that came first, it can be concluded that their use is what will lead one to self discovery.

ffff

I need to write again tonight. I need to give up my piece of advice. But it is not so much as good advice, as a command. A command to live by. Not something you should concider starting to do, but something you should have always been doing, as habitual as closing your eyes before you sleep. You need to do things that you don't like to do. And you need to do them extravagantly. You need to go for everything. Feel everything. Take the chance. Yes, I have something specific in mind, a hook up that i ignored basically and now looking back, i wish i had spent more time with him, maybe got his number, maybe be with him right now. But instead I just ran away. I am such ass, i am such an idiot. i am so dumb. Like good people come in your life sometimes. And you let them go. Just. i dont know right now. I feel like i can look proactively at the world today. And I have noticed that some people back at home, i have no idea why i'm friends with them. and others, i have no idea why i am not. And I think, what if i wasn't so awkward, what if I just approached people, decided to be their friend (or more than friends) and went after what I wanted while it was in my grasp. I'm not going to sit here today and reach back into the past, there is only nonsense in that. I am here to learn and grow and leave the past behind. But, from this point forward, I have to just go out on a limb with everybody. I don't know. I don't know if this makes sense. I'm just really dissapointed in what happened. And I don't know why I was so dumb and didn't go after what I now want to badly, even if it wasn't what I knew I wanted at the time.

One thing that Spain has taught me is emotion. I have learned to feel everything differently. I can feel with more passion. And maybe it is because of things I've done, boys I've kissed, culture aspects, or language differences. But I feel like I've learned, you should never do anything that doesn't thrill you, because life is 100x too short to do anything but what makes you completely happy. Its a feeling that you deserve, and should always have. In fact, you should always feel, happy, loved, and free. And many times in life you will not be given the best condicions to feel these emotions, but feeling is more about a mind set, then a point in time. Yes, where you are will affect you, but it shouldn't bring you down. And if it does, you better emphasize that sadness and romantisize it. You better let it take over your whole soul and turn into beauty, turn into a story, turn into sweet emotions of freedom, happyness, and love. I don't know if that last part made sense. Because it kind of doesnt. but what I mean, is passion. Passion, and romantisism are the key. Romantisism implys that things are infinite. and the feeling of infinancy is one of the best ones you will every feel, the best one you could ever live by.

I will never

I will never find love. I will never be loved. I respect myself, and I am so full of pride, yet so full of sin and dirty things. And I will never fall for a man unless he is absolutely perfect. But, a perfect man will never fall for me for the latter stated reason. I will never give a man butterflys in his stomach. No man will never waste hours just thinking about me. I am not on anybodys mind. Nobody will ever think I am something special. And nobody will ever want to spend their life with me. This is something that I have always known. I will never get my "first kiss" I will never look into somebodys eyes and just see love I will never even know love And I will be alone. My heart will always have a void. Some little part of it will always be empty And as the years pass by, and so do more people That void will get bigger. And bigger And bigger And I will search the world and see and do all that I can. But the void will never be filled. Everyday, I will try to accept it a little more. I will look away, and pour my life into something else But then I will get bored And I will be left with the void Because being in love is knowing that you can be anybody, anything, and you will always have a man beside you Being in love is being yourself, with somebody else and enjoying and exploiting every second of it. Yes. You can be happy without being in love. But you can not be complete Because love just fills through every gap and crack and heals it. It dances and swirls and consumes you Through lovers eyes, you are not a person you become a being a state Without it you are a body, a corpse but where does your soul lie So no, I do not need a man to make me happy I am wildly independent and fierce But, in life, you are supposed to share these are qualities with others they are not to bind you where you stand. where i stand